You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize