so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
