I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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