I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
