great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i'm inner monologue high
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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