I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh god it's open bar.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
