i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
