you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
