Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
