I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
