Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
