I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
