i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
