I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
