so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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