you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
