I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
