There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
