put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
