I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
