Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
