Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
