when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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