pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
