Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
