I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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