She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
