How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
