Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize