Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
