I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
