I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
