I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
