who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
