I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
