btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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