my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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