I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
