I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You don't make any sense
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