Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're a disaster
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