I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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