I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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