I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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