I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
