im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
