look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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