and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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