i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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