He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
