is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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