While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
