thus making me awesome and them whores
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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