There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
FUCK WHALES
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
