I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my liver is dry heaving
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
