the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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