This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
