Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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