I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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