I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
