There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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