um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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