and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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