Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Even my vagina gasped.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
