then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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